Moments

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Moments

There are moments

that take my breath away

in surprise,

delicious, fleeting joy

gone so quickly

I can’t recapture

details.

There are moments

that stick with me

well beyond the time

I want them,

but they are etched reminders

for future days.

There are moments

I cling to and push away

all at once,

bittersweet,

for they hold times

and people

I’ve lost

but can’t let go.

There are moments

so still

I’m afraid to breathe,

as it might break

the spell,

and I’d never see

the next,

never know

the secret.

~    ~    ~    ~

Starting Over

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Starting Over 

I am starting over
as I started over
many times before.
I am starting over
every day
as I find new facets,
undiscovered till now.
I am starting over,
not so much looking for who I am or
what to be,
but opening myself
to any possibility.
I am starting over
not because I don’t like
who I am,
But because I’m excited
to know
who I can be.
Every changing,
ever growing,
always open,
I am starting over
every
single
day.

 ~ ~ ~ ~

There you were!

~    ~    ~    ~

There you were!
As unexpected as the act of a prankster.
As warm and kind as a soft spring day.

Were you as surprised as I was?
I suspect you were.
There was just no way
you could have known any more than I did
what would be there.

Whatever, it was, I’m glad it was.
You were there!

~    ~    ~    ~

Something in the air

~    ~    ~    ~

The wind stirs the air,
just a little,
just enough to make me look around,
wondering if someone is here.

No, it’s just a little breeze.

Again it whiffs by.
Again I have that sense.
It is unsettling
because I feel a presence,
a scent,
a bit of sound in the air, perhaps?

I don’t know.

I’m not afraid.
Ghosts and spirits and unseen visitors
are welcome.
It’s just that I can’t put my finger on who it is.

Is it you?
Why don’t you speak to me?

~    ~    ~    ~

Time

~~~~                                               .

Time

time heals all things.
doesn’t it?
or not.

~~~~                                                 .

My Church

~~~~

I have a church.
I know some people don’t believe it,
but I do.
My church just doesn’t have walls,
something many expect
of a church.

But you see,
in the morning I look at the sunrise.
I watch the sky make its metamorphosis
from black to grey
to shades of pink
and orange
and red
and gold
and finally to the early morning blues
of the day ahead.
How can I not hear glory hallelujahs in this?

When I walk out
and look at the valley between me
and the mountains across the way,
I know I’m loved
and that I’m in the place I should be.
I see the trees,
protection for the animals
of His creation.
And for me.
I see the wildflowers in my yard
subtle and sweet,
not placed there by my hand
but scattered dots of yellow
and blue
and pink
and white
and purple
held aloft by the greens
that give them life.
How could I not believe?

At dusk I watch the deer grazing in the shrubs.
Their gentle eyes watch me back,
not afraid
but not trusting, either.
They seem to know I won’t hurt them.
And a short distance away from me,
we keep watch back and forth,
until they reach their fill
or move on to another place
before settling down for the night,
protected under the trees in the valley
of my morning.
How could I not feel safe?

Then,
in the dark of night,
a few steps from my door,
I look up.
The sky is untarnished by the lights of cities
too far away to matter
in my world on the side of the mountain.
The sky is solid black
like the cliched velvet.
It is rich with color,
or lack of color,
but dark
and rich
and thick
and endless.
But the stars,
scatter more thickly than one can believe,
are brilliant in a way one will never see against city lights.
They are dazzling
and luminous
and lustrous
and radiant
and resplendent.
I am reassured that my life is beyond blessed,
if that is possible.
How could I not call this my church?

I find reason to praise in every step of my day.
Sometimes I don’t pay attention
or look around me at the stained glass windows
or connect with my fellow worshippers
or remember to sing praises
but it’s always there.
I live in my church.

~~~~

Remembering Hurts

~~~~




Remembering Hurts


I remember .
As surely as the sun shines
I remember.
I remember trusting.
I remember loving.
I remember being loved,
and sadly, I remember the rejection.
I remember being happy.
I remember sunshine.
I remember feeling calm,
and I also remember covering my head
to escape the pain.
Remembering one hurt
cancels a dozen good memories.
Why is it so?
Why do we have to hurt?


~~~~

Second Chances

~~~~



We passed each other
a long time ago,
and neither noticed
or cared.
We passed by again,
but this time
something sparked.
Your eyes sought mine
and we both
seemed to know.



~~~~

DON'T GO

~~~~




DON’T GO



Don’t go.
Please.
Stay with me.
I don’t want to be alone.
And I’ll be alone
unless you’re with me.
You make me whole,
as if I’ve always been
just part of me
until you.
I need you here
because you hear what I say,
and you don’t judge.
I feel like I can be
exactly who I am,
good or bad,
and you are you,
my strength in hard times,
my playmate in the good,
never questioning.
So stay.
And hold me,
breathe on my neck
as you brush your lips there.
Lie with me
so I can sleep.
You are my anchor.

~~~~

BELONGING HERE

~~~~


BELONGING HERE



I lie with my head on your chest
and listen to your heart beat.
Steadily, strongly.
It comforts me.
Just being here,
close to you,
and feeling your warmth
gives me peace.
I breath deeply,
savoring your scent,
the scent that means home
and safe.
I belong here.


~~~~

Buck Up, Buttercup!

~~~~


I live alone.
I like it that way.
I’m free to come and go,
to sleep in or rise with the sun.
I can wear my jammies all day long,
or go to get the mail with no bra.
I don’t have to wear makeup if I choose,
and if I fart, the dogs don’t go “Eeuuwww!”
I can eat what I want, when I want,
and if I don’t shower, there’s no one to care.
I like my life.
It suits me.

Occasionally,
just occasionally,
there is something that changes it.
Like now.
Sometimes being alone kinda sucks.
Like now.
When I want someone to be there
to share something big,
to laugh with me over a silly mistake.
I'd like someone who makes it more fun,
who knows me well enough to just get me.
You know, someone to put arms around me
and just let me cry,
to tell me it will be OK,
even when we neither know that,
not for a fact.

Sometimes I’m simply scared.
Like now.
Sometimes I’m just lonely.
Like now.
Sometimes I just wish someone loved me unconditionally,
enough to overlook my insecurities,
to not care about my irrationalities,
to love me for me.
Like now.

But I don’t.
And my life will go on,
without question, it will.
And I tell myself,
often,
“Buck up, Buttercup!”
And I do.

I’ll be OK.
I like living alone, and this is just part of it.
This will pass.
I’ll be back to myself soon,
watching a sunrise in my jammies,
no makeup or bra,
and I’ll fart when I want to!
So there, buttercup!
I like my life!

~~~~

Caught Off Guard

Click on photo to enlarge.

~~~~

~~~~

Together

~~~~

Together


Hold my hand.

I don’t care what lies beyond.

Hold my hand,

and nothing will matter.

Look into my eyes.

Don’t look away.

Really look, deeply.

Can you see the promise

that I’m beside you?

Now and tomorrow.

Match my step. 

We’ve a long way to go.

Together we can do 

anything.


~~~~

Calm

~~~~


Calm
I love the feeling.

It’s the greatest feeling of all.

Calm.

There is a quiet that surrounds me,

interrupted only by the sound of the wind

as it shivers through the pines,

needles brushing

and releasing their scent

and carrying it as far as it can.

It soothes me,

and brings to that calm.

And my heart

knows

peace.


~~~~

Hope

Awakening

~~~~

~~~~

I Just Want Love

I want love in my life.
I’m not unhappy
and not even lonely,
and I don’t need it.
But I do want it.
I miss having a companion in life,
the kind that understands without words
at times.
The kind of person who is there
when I want to share
a special day
or a sad moment.
A heart that understands when to advise
and when to be silent.
I want love.
That’s all,
just love.
Is that too much?

~~~~

How Unexpected!

How Unexpected!



You were really unexpected.
Unexpected when you appeared,
out of the blue,
a surprise suddenly just there at my elbow.
A good surprise,
one that was welcome from the moment we connected.

I didn’t expect what was between us to grow.
Acquaintances passing in a moment of life,
that’s what I thought.
We passed each other in that way many times before,
So what would make this one different?
Nothing, I thought.
So the lingering,
the deepening,
that was unexpected.

I was cool.
I didn’t expect much.
I would not have thought you and I
Might be something,
become something,
together.

It wasn’t what I thought would happen
when you said this
and inferred that.
I kept thinking, No, he’s not serious.
But you kept saying
and doing,
and I found myself moving closer,
risking more,
without understanding how I could let myself be this vulnerable.
Never again, I’d said before.
Never again.
But here I am.

Unexpectedly, I’m finding myself
moving out of that old, long established
comfort zone.
The comfort zone I built
to protect myself,
the one with shut down feelings and distance
to be safe.

And unexpectedly, I find
I’m comfortable!

Rain

Love is Work

~ ~ ~ ~


Love is Work

~ ~ ~ ~