Buck Up, Buttercup!

~~~~


I live alone.
I like it that way.
I’m free to come and go,
to sleep in or rise with the sun.
I can wear my jammies all day long,
or go to get the mail with no bra.
I don’t have to wear makeup if I choose,
and if I fart, the dogs don’t go “Eeuuwww!”
I can eat what I want, when I want,
and if I don’t shower, there’s no one to care.
I like my life.
It suits me.

Occasionally,
just occasionally,
there is something that changes it.
Like now.
Sometimes being alone kinda sucks.
Like now.
When I want someone to be there
to share something big,
to laugh with me over a silly mistake.
I'd like someone who makes it more fun,
who knows me well enough to just get me.
You know, someone to put arms around me
and just let me cry,
to tell me it will be OK,
even when we neither know that,
not for a fact.

Sometimes I’m simply scared.
Like now.
Sometimes I’m just lonely.
Like now.
Sometimes I just wish someone loved me unconditionally,
enough to overlook my insecurities,
to not care about my irrationalities,
to love me for me.
Like now.

But I don’t.
And my life will go on,
without question, it will.
And I tell myself,
often,
“Buck up, Buttercup!”
And I do.

I’ll be OK.
I like living alone, and this is just part of it.
This will pass.
I’ll be back to myself soon,
watching a sunrise in my jammies,
no makeup or bra,
and I’ll fart when I want to!
So there, buttercup!
I like my life!

~~~~

Caught Off Guard

Click on photo to enlarge.

~~~~

~~~~

Together

~~~~

Together


Hold my hand.

I don’t care what lies beyond.

Hold my hand,

and nothing will matter.

Look into my eyes.

Don’t look away.

Really look, deeply.

Can you see the promise

that I’m beside you?

Now and tomorrow.

Match my step. 

We’ve a long way to go.

Together we can do 

anything.


~~~~

Calm

~~~~


Calm
I love the feeling.

It’s the greatest feeling of all.

Calm.

There is a quiet that surrounds me,

interrupted only by the sound of the wind

as it shivers through the pines,

needles brushing

and releasing their scent

and carrying it as far as it can.

It soothes me,

and brings to that calm.

And my heart

knows

peace.


~~~~

Hope

Awakening

~~~~

~~~~

I Just Want Love

I want love in my life.
I’m not unhappy
and not even lonely,
and I don’t need it.
But I do want it.
I miss having a companion in life,
the kind that understands without words
at times.
The kind of person who is there
when I want to share
a special day
or a sad moment.
A heart that understands when to advise
and when to be silent.
I want love.
That’s all,
just love.
Is that too much?

~~~~

How Unexpected!

How Unexpected!



You were really unexpected.
Unexpected when you appeared,
out of the blue,
a surprise suddenly just there at my elbow.
A good surprise,
one that was welcome from the moment we connected.

I didn’t expect what was between us to grow.
Acquaintances passing in a moment of life,
that’s what I thought.
We passed each other in that way many times before,
So what would make this one different?
Nothing, I thought.
So the lingering,
the deepening,
that was unexpected.

I was cool.
I didn’t expect much.
I would not have thought you and I
Might be something,
become something,
together.

It wasn’t what I thought would happen
when you said this
and inferred that.
I kept thinking, No, he’s not serious.
But you kept saying
and doing,
and I found myself moving closer,
risking more,
without understanding how I could let myself be this vulnerable.
Never again, I’d said before.
Never again.
But here I am.

Unexpectedly, I’m finding myself
moving out of that old, long established
comfort zone.
The comfort zone I built
to protect myself,
the one with shut down feelings and distance
to be safe.

And unexpectedly, I find
I’m comfortable!

Rain

Love is Work

~ ~ ~ ~


Love is Work

~ ~ ~ ~

Growing Old Together

~ ~ ~ ~

Growing Old Together





I used to picture the two of us,
walking together and holding hands,
slowly,
no reason to rush,
savoring each moment
of the sweetness of aging comfortably,
like the older couples in the TV ads.

Once I thought we had all the time in the world,
to smell rain in the spring,
and to see the colors of summer blossoms,
and hear the rustling of autumn’s leaves under foot
as we walked those walks together.

In winter, we would sit by the fireplace
and watch our grandchildren
as they trimmed the tree
or played games on the table by the window,
and we’d all watch the snow fall together,
feeling snug inside with the warmth.

But now it seems that those were just dreams.
Our hearts have grown apart.
We don’t hold hands anymore,
and although we walk,
the walks are to get somewhere,
not to savor.
Love doesn’t always mellow,
sweet with the years.
Sometimes it fades
like the ink of old, old love letters,
tucked away and forgotten,
never read,
and cold.



~ ~ ~ ~

Never

~ ~ ~ ~

NEVER

Never hesitate.
I’m just saying.

When you have a chance,
take it,
fly over the moon,
kiss the blarney stone or the frog,
and grab the shooting star.

It may not work out,
but that doesn’t matter.
What matters is the possibility
to to soar.

It may never come your way again.

Never hesitate.
Never.


~ ~ ~ ~

Blue

Unfortunately, this came out pretty small, so if you click on it, you'll see a larger version to read.

I Wonder

The Crescent Moon

~ ~ ~ ~


THE CRESCENT MOON


The night is cool,
and the sky is very dark.
The crescent moon rests in the sky,
forming a cradle of light.
I’ve watched it a while,
soothed by the peace of it all,
and in my mind
I see you there,
nestled in the curve of the moon
safe and secure,
just as you are in my heart.
Sleep, my dear one,
lulled by the song I sing in my head
and warmed by the blanket of love
I’ve tucked around you.
I love the moon,
and I love you.


~ ~ ~ ~

LIVING LIFE

~ ~ ~ ~

LIVING LIFE


Sometimes I feel I’m standing still.
Life seems to be hanging by a thread,
still and quiet,
nothing moving.
I see no change,
no progress.
nothing.
But much like the turning of the Earth,
our lives move on without our noticing.
Each rotation of the Earth
brings new things,
new life,
new something,
to each of us.
but sometimes we don’t even notice.
So it is with my life.
Every day is full of fresh new somethings,
if I just look.
Moving on with life is good,
if we look
and listen
and smell
and feel
and live life.
Moving on with life is good.

Just not if we sleep through it.




~ ~ ~ ~

Right

~ ~ ~ ~

It’s all about right.
Being right.
Doing right.
Right place, right time.
The problem is,
sometimes there is no right,
there is just what there is.
And now is one such time.
I’m waiting to know
what’s right.




Right..


~ ~ ~ ~

Friday

~ ~ ~ ~


Yesterday came and went.
There was nothing significant in it.
Yet it was Friday,
not important to me
as it is to others.
I’m glad you got your Friday.
It was just another day to me.





~ ~ ~ ~

Birds

~ ~ ~ ~



My little birds,
safely in their cage,
are enjoying fresh air
outside my window.
They are calling to their wild cousins,
seemingly without understanding
the differences that separate them.
How happily they sing,
as if freedom is theirs.
Nothing has changed,
not really,
but don’t tell them.
They think the world is theirs.

And so it is.


~ ~ ~

Change

~ ~ ~ ~


Sometimes I think about what I would change
if I could,
if I had the power to go back
and do it differently,
and I would!
I would make this go away.
I would change that to a happier moment.
I would take back what I said on that day.
I would make that last longer.

And then I think again.
No, I wouldn’t change a thing.
Anything different would ripple down to where I am
and I would be different.
I would not have learned a lesson.
I would have been so happy
I might have not noticed that person.
I might have missed a turn in the path
that led me to who I am
today.

I have regrets.
Yes.
But I have more treasures
by far.


~ ~ ~ ~

Two

~ ~ ~ ~

Two wine glasses,
rims almost touching,
on the table beside the bed.

Two bodies,
like the glasses,
lie in the crumpled sheets,
not quite touching.

Wine stains on the glass,
dark,
look dirty.

Do the stained glasses
reflect the people?

Or is everything unrelated?

~ ~ ~ ~

Movement

~ ~ ~ ~



I often feel I feel I’m standing still.
Life seems to be hanging by a thread,
still and quiet,
nothing moving.
I see no change,
no progress.
nothing.
But much like the turning of the Earth,
our lives move on without our noticing.
Each rotation of the Earth
brings new things,
new life,
new something,
to each of us.
but sometimes we don’t even notice.
So it is with my life.
Every day is full of fresh new somethings,
if I just look.
Moving on with life is good,
if we look
and listen
and smell
and feel
and live life.
Moving on with life is good.
Just not if we sleep through it.



~ ~ ~ ~

It Would Be Nice

~ ~ ~ ~


All my life I’ve lived by routine,
sometimes my own,
but most often routines set by others.
Bosses.
Doctors.
The law.
Parents.
Government.
Church.
Teachers.

In retirement I’m learning a new pace.
Many of those previous demanders in my life
are gone.
I’m finding it not always easy to know
my routine,
my own direction and energy,
to fill the places
where others used to peg.
Can we live without routine?
It would be nice.



~ ~ ~ ~

What Is It?

~~~~


I’m missing something,
but I’m not sure what it is.
When I came into the room,
I noticed things seem to be just out of balance,
but I’ve looked around
and I just can’t see what it is.
I’ve looked and thought.
Then I thought and looked.
But I can’t figure it out.
What is it?
What is missing?
What isn’t in its place?
Can you tell?
Can you see what’s missing?

OH!
It’s you!



~~~~

The Memory

~~~~~

I have a memory
from a long time ago
when things were different,
not better,
not worse,
just different.
Sometimes I want to go back.
I know I can’t.

~~~~~

This Time

There are times in my life
for which I’ve had great regret.
I suppose we’ve all had those moments
when we think, “If only ....”

I choose to not live in those moments of my life.
It takes self-reminders sometimes.
Many times.
But I’m getting better at it,
and I’m truly enjoying my life now.

It is not always easy to be positive,
not now,
not with the many things
that try to wrench away composure in the lives of us all.
And I don’t always succeed.
But I do love my life
and all those who are with me
and who help me be who I can be.

And I’m happy to be where I am,
doing what I do,
being what is me,
and most of all loving life.

This is not one of those times in my life
for which I have regret.
This is a time of joy
and learning to live life better than yesterday.
I love my life.
Pitfalls included.
But can we have fewer pitfalls?

Please?

Thank you.

Time To Let Go

~ ~ ~ ~

TIME TO LET GO


There is a time to let go.
It is not always easy to turn loose,
to untwine your fingers from the strands
of the relationship.
Having held those strings,
for so long braiding them or weaving them
into a very special tapestry that shows the patterns of love,
it then becomes difficult to let go,
to stop the tying of knots that make it strong
and hold this weaving of two lives as it grows longer.

When you know the tapestry is no longer strong,
when the years of weather and wind have whipped at it
and worn it out in the weak parts of the weave,
when it no longer is the solid cloak that has held off the cold
of a world that natters at you,
it is time.

For sometimes, the thing that was a special strength
and a comfort in the hardest of times
suddenly is before your eyes and cannot be denied.
It is no longer what you thought.
It is what it is.
But it is no longer what was once dear.

It is time to let go.


~ ~ ~ ~